


We need to talk

by sassenach_on_the_rocks51



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 16:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11406510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenach_on_the_rocks51/pseuds/sassenach_on_the_rocks51
Summary: A desperate husband calls upon three friends to help save his wife





	We need to talk

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic after suffering a relapse of self-harm, in order to sort out my own thoughts. Please be advised that the events of self-harm and thoughts and actions of attempted suicide actually happened and they will be a fair amount of detail. Please read at your own discretion.
> 
> I would also make a plea to anyone thinking of harming themselves to reach out to the following resources. I have used these very resources and they are a big reason why I am still here to tell this story.
> 
> Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
> 
> Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
> 
> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (includes an online chat system)
> 
> If you are thinking of harming yourself, please reach out to someone.

Arno, Jacob and Edward looked at their watches anxiously. It was almost noon and they were beyond nervous. Despite each of them having food and drink in front of them, none of them had much of an appetite. All three looked to the empty chair, reserved for a friend of theirs, a friend that they hoped would make it.Any other time, they would be laughing and joking. Any other time, they would be waiting for two more to join them. Not this time, this time there would be only one.  
“Are we doing the right thing?” Arno asked. Edward and Jacob looked towards each other briefly. “I mean, should we be the ones doing this? James is her husband after all and I wonder if this shouldn’t be coming from him”  
“James asked us to help and we agreed to” Edward responded. “Besides, he’s told me that he’s tried talking to her before and it hasn’t helped. She swears up and down that she’s ok. But she’s relapsed several times in the last year.”

“How bad were the relapses?” Jacob asked.  
“Once involved a pair of scissors late at night. She also used her keys on her arm at a restaurant the other day. At breakfast with James and his father no less. James didn’t know about it until later”  
Jacob shook his head in sorrow. Even though they had only known Charlotte and James for just a few years, they were quite fond of them. At first Charlotte had seemed rather shy, then opened up more. Thinking back to all of their meetings, Jacob recalled a few times when Charlotte didn’t seem quite herself, but he had written it off at the time, thinking it was just a bad day.  
The group sat quietly for a moment. A great fear came to all of their minds.  
“Do you think she wants to die?” Jacob asked.  
Arno and Edward went slightly pale. Having had their fair share of losses themselves, they knew the heartache and anguish that James would suffer should that worry be the truth.  
“I don’t know” Edward confessed. “She may say she doesn’t, but her actions…”  
“She may not want to die” Arno spoke “But she isn’t in a healthy state of mind any way that you look at it. If we can get her to see that,maybe we can convince her to get help.”  
“Or she could tell us all to “Fuck off”. Jacob spoke.  
“You don’t seem convinced of this idea Jacob” said Arno.  
“Its not that I am not convinced, its just that I think we need to be ready for the possibility that she rejects it. The second she realizes what this is about, she may run out that door. People are always saying that you cant force someone to get help. What if she feels forced? What if we make this worse?”  
Arno and Edward realized that Jacob had a valid point.  
“Then we make clear to her that its her choice. If she chooses to leave, we let her leave. But if she chooses to stay, we will talk her through this.”  
All of a sudden they heard a familiar voice. All three turned to see Charlotte walk in. They quickly looked her over for any obvious signs of distress, but at first glance she seemed fine. She waved as she saw them and quickly sat down.  
“Hey guys. Sorry Im a bit late. Had to drop James off at work. Said the truck wouldn’t start.” She quickly noticed the food waiting for her and reached for some salt. As she reached, all three assassins clocked the marks on her hand, somewhat faded, but still there. Charlotte started in and the others followed suit. Those first few moments all three assassins wondered how they should start the conversation. Should they ease into it or jump right in? Jacob went with the former.  
“Did your spoiled princess get you there?” he asked.  
Charlotte brought her hand under the table. “No” she said shortly. She quickly realized how short she was with them and apologized. “Its nothing”  
“Forgive me dear, but your response says otherwise” Jacob ventured. Edward kicked him below the table. The last thing he wanted was for this to end just as it had begun. Arno decided to step in.  
“We just want to make sure you’re ok Charlotte, nothing more”  
Charlotte eyed all three men skeptically. She had wondered if something was up when they asked her to meet them for lunch while James was at work. She had expected the meet up to be about an upcoming surprise, not about her.  
Charlotte sighed internally. ‘Im fine today guys. Don’t worry. “  
The trio didn’t buy it for a second. No matter how much Charlotte claimed she was fine that day, a person who was fine didn’t act the way she was. They quickly realized that this was going to be much harder than they thought.  
“That’s the thing dear” Jacob said softly “We are worried and we are not the only ones. You tell us you are fine today, but what about yesterday? Or the day before?”  
“What Jacob means is that we know you’ve been struggling recently Charlotte, and we are not here to judge you at all.” Edward spoke. “If you don’t wanna tell us, that’s fine. We just want you to know you can talk to us.”  
“No offense guys, but Ive heard that one a few too many times from other people. It rings hollow after a while.” she sighed.  
“That may be, but we are not other people dear.” Arno said softly.  
Charlotte thought for a moment. She knew that if she left, they wouldn’t stop her. She also knew this wouldn’t be the end of their friendships. As annoyed as she was at being caught out, a small part of her was pleased to know that they had noticed and had said something. Too many times in the past she had friends watch silently as she inflicted pain on herself. Too many stood there while she drank too much for her own good. They claimed they didn’t know how to respond and while it made sense to Charlotte logically, emotionally it stung. A part of her wanted to just drop the discussion and try to have a nice lunch, but they had brought it out in the open and now it hovered over all of them. There was only one thing for it now.

“Okay” she ventured. “If Im being honest, I am fine today. Well by my definition of the word. The last few months as a whole have been a bit of a back and forth. I thought it was just stress from the move but the stress hasn’t left.”  
“What is your definition of fine?” Jacob asked.  
“Pretty much any day I don’t feel like screaming.” She replied.  
“What do you normally do when you feel like screaming?” Arno asked.  
“If Im at home, I usually put some music on. That normally helps. If I’m out and about, I just try to hurry though whatever I’m doing so I can get home quickly. If I don’t have anything else to do when I get home, I try to relax, but if I do have things to do, I try to focus on that instead.”  
“How long does this work?” Edward inquired.  
“What do you mean?”  
“These periods when you say you are fine, how long do they last?”  
“I can be fine for months at a time. Like I said, it all depends on what’s going on. If it’s something as stressful as a move or say a craptastic job, it can be tougher to hold it together. As long as I remember or think to do something to relieve the pressure I can hold off. Though to be honest, there are days I don’t care to hold off. “Charlotte confessed.  
“What happens when you don’t care to hold off?” Jacob wondered?  
“At best I spend a lot of quality time in bed or on the couch with crap playing on the TV. I find the most depressing music in my library and blast it to the dismay of my eardrums. Other times…well you’ve seen my hand. Though that’s not the worst thing I’ve done. “

The guys remained quiet but all three were silent wondering if they should ask the next question. As much as they feared the answer, if things became worse for Charlotte, they needed to know how far she was willing to go.  
“What’s the worst thing you’ve done?” Arno inquired.  
“Well one of them would be the rigging strap incident. I had a short strip of parachute rigging strap as a keychain, courtesy of my jumpmaster ex. At the time I was off and on with a guy who could only be described as a narcissistic psychopath. He had really pissed me off and while out riding with a friend, I took the strap to my arm several times. Left some ungodly bruises and stung like hell. And to answer the next question, no my friend didn’t try to stop me, he simply watched and offered up his own arm for the next time. And I no longer have that strap.”  
Charlotte took a couple of bites and a long drink as the guys processed the information. Even though they were glad she was actually talking to them, they were also wondering if Charlotte wasn’t in as bad a shape as they thought.  
“Thing is guys” she continued “I haven’t harmed myself as much as people might think. Well not in that way. I’ve self- harmed so few times I can actually remember them all. But cutting and flogging oneself aren’t the only forms of self -harm out there. There’s not eating right or at all for days. There is drinking and smoking too much. Destructive sexual behavior could be considered it as well. I’ve done it all except one guys and I’m still here.”  
“Do you want to do that last one?” Jacob asked, praying for a particular answer.  
“If I’m honest, there have been a couple of times in which I considered it. This was years back mind you. The first time I considered slitting my wrists in my bedroom. Well more like I had a steak knife to my wrists. Ended up call the suicide hotline before I could make the cut. As you can see, I didn’t go through with that one. The second time….”  
She steeled herself for a moment and took a long drink. The trio could tell this would be bad.  
“The second time was during Yule. That whole month was one of the worst I’d ever had. It was bad enough that a friend and I, the very one who didn’t stop me from flogging my arm, had each other on suicide watch. My brother and his family were there for a visit and he brought a loaded .38 revolver to show. Well, they left to go shopping and I was online with my ex. I was already in dark place that day and he messaged me asking for pics. I don’t know what gave me the idea, but I went and got the gun, put it in my mouth and snapped the pictures. I ended up not sending them, but yeah not one of my prouder moments. “  
Arno, Jacob and Edward sat back a moment. The talk had not gone in the direction they thought it would. Instead of Charlotte being stubborn and having to drag it out of her, she had been far more open with her struggles than they could have imagined. She seemed almost at peace with it all.  
“But to better answer your question Jacob, no I don’t want to. I haven’t felt that in years. In fact I haven’t felt suicidal since the day of the accident. I struggled a bit with survivor’s guilt from that for a short time, but no, I don’t wish to die. Even though I don’t wish for it, I still struggle with other things. I have what I call the un-holy trifecta: Anxiety, Depression and PTSD. I’ve been dealing with this for as long as I can remember. Most days I can battle it back and somedays those victories are damn near pyrrhic ones. Like I told James, even the strongest warrior has moments of weakness.”  
“That’s what concerns us Charlotte, what concerns James is how you handle those moments of weakness.” Edward said. “The methods you use aren’t always effective. And the fact that you have relapsed recently speaks to that.”  
“I know guys, I know. And to be honest, scratching myself with keys didn’t make me feel better at all”  
“But you still felt the need to use them” Arno offered. “What if one day you decide that’s no longer enough and reach for something sharper again?”  
“That’s why we called you hear today love” Jacob spoke softly “Why James asked us to meet with you. You may say your fine, but James is terrified for you. He’s afraid that one day he might come home and find you already gone. The last thing we want is to see is James lose you.”  
Charlotte sat there with tears in her eyes. As much as she wanted to tell them that she really was okay, she knew deep down they were right. Even though it had been quite some time since she almost took her own life, it didn’t mean that the darkness had left. Over the last few years she had tried both drugs and forms of meditation and yoga and at times they seemed to help. The problem was that as soon as she showed some progress, she had a tendency to abandon those methods, which would end with her relapsing again. She couldn’t keep doing this.  
The silence was broken by the sound of the door opening. All four turned to look and saw that it was James walking towards them. Charlotte quickly got up and hugged him tight.  
“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at work?” she asked.  
“Took the day off. Told them my wife was ill. Listen, it’s up to you, but if you are ready I made you an appointment down at the mental health clinic. It’s just a consult but will you please come with me and hear what the doctor has to say?”  
Charlotte looked back at the trio and then back at James.  
“Yeah, let’s go. I think I’m long overdue for this.” She said.  
Arno, Jacob and Edward each took turns giving her a big hug. Each one told her they loved her and they were proud of her for doing this. As they walked out, the trio watched them.  
“Did we do the right thing?” Jacob asked.  
“Its early, but I think we did. I admit, she shared more with us that I thought she would” Arno said.  
“And now that we know, we will know what to look for in the future, if she falters. And if she does, we will be right there” Edward said. “I hope this helps our lass. She’s a good one.”  
All three Assassins silently prayed for the best.


End file.
